Upasaka Karl [mentioned in an answer](https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/a/41486/19697) : >Relationships have a beginning. And because they have a beginning, they also have an end. Thoughtless endings, ghosting and worse, hurt both parties. It is sad to treat each other like an Amazon shopping experience. We become each other's dismissable clickbait. Yet perhaps a thoughtless ending was matched by a thoughtless beginning. Perhaps we can consider and nurture relationships that matter. 1. Isn't it merely the case that personal relationships never really end, that some of the debts remain forever? That one actually stays bonded forever, even after ending of a relationship... 2. What are the valid reasons for ending a personal relationship? 3. How to end a relationship properly? 4. Which (as it were) "relationship" can't be ended, once gotten into? 5. What's the effect of denying being in a personal relationship and consuming outside of it, thinking "I am free" or "this is my right"? *[Note that this isn't given for stacks, exchange, other worldbinding trades and relation-misuse but to escape toward]*

We are social animals and while living in a society we make relationships with other humans. Relationships like mother,father,son,aunt,etc. are determined by default ie, we don't have choice. While some relationship have to be chosen by us eg wife, friends, religious master, political leader etc. While doing so I feel majority relationships are more like **treatise** or **agreements** they thrive on mutual interests and break once they are not met. Some relationships are temporary which exists till both parties are involved in particular task and get over once the task is completed like relationship of boss and employee. Some relations are considered pure since they are said to be driven by emotions rather than any purpose like that of parents and their children, but I am doubtful that there is mutual interest hidden deep under them, which maybe realised if we end our attachment. I find understanding nature of our relationships is very crucial to avoid suffering arising due to ignorance of truth behind them. Is there any discussion on this issue in Buddhism?

I’m the only Buddhist in my family and there are very few Buddhists in my community. To make matters worse, the closest Buddhist temple to me is a New Kadampa Tradition meditation center. Because of this, I’m starting to wonder if I’d be better off leaving my family behind because I think I’d have more exposure to the dharma with other people. Answers from any school of Buddhism are welcome. Edit: The reason why I asked this question is that I thought I’d be held back from understanding the dharma if I was a Westerner with no other Buddhists in my life. In addition, I suspect my parents of being narcissists and that they’re using me as their golden child. I joined Buddhism at the age of nine because I lost interest in Christianity and saw Buddhism as much less dogmatic and more reasonable. However, now that I left NKT, I don’t have a master to rely on nor am I part of a sect, although other forms of Mahayana peak my interest with their focus on the collective whole.

I have heard from the Vimalakirti Sutra that Vimalakirti was a householder who drank and visited prostitutes; but he was foremost in wisdom and Buddhist practice?! I heard the Buddha sent monks to him to observe and study under his guidance?! Is this true?! Why would the Buddha do this?!

One of the main sources of bad kamma in Buddhism is doing wrong to your parents and not taking care of them. Buddha said it is very very hard to repay your parents, however how should one behave if he or she has bad parents? Maybe a parent that was an alcoholic or didn't take care of him properly, abandoned him, banned from his house or maybe stole from him? There are countless possibilities, what to do?

What are the Buddhist norms & guidelines for rebuilding a relationship after a breach of trust?

Say one dwells somewhere, somehow, enjoys or feeds on certain hospitality, at which occasion, at which point, it would be proper to leave and no more return? So what's the time? Is time running out? Koan-cracks also welcome!

I have a friend say Dev. He always involves himself in flattery of rich people knowingly or unknowingly. Its clearly visible that he shows off in front of rich people or try to gain their friendship in comparison to normal people or people of his status (in terms of wealth). So suppose I directly accuse him by saying that you are a flatterer etc (a person who flatters others because they are rich). This may hurt his feelings. It may possibly hurt feelings of her family as well as my family and may destroy relationships. What are the chances that he is going to accept this as a positive thing and try to bring about a change in him? Another way to tell him is by telling him a story about some rich person who have many flatterers and making fun of those flatterers. In this way I am not directly accusing him and the other person will not get hurt and try to convey a message as well. What are the changes of this kind of conversation impacting him to bring about a positive change in him?

What are the common/widespread wrong meanings that people associate with or assign to the word 'gratitude'? As we know, the society is made up largely of families, and those in turn are made of up relationships, which most commonly are underlied by sexuality, in turn often being related to guilt, as well as guilt based manipulations and control mechanisms. At the same time, we are inclined and even obliged to feel grateful towards our loved ones. So it is safe to assume that the obligation to be grateful and patterns of guilt (or other) based manipulations co-occur, and therefore can and probably tend to interact. And therefore it is also safe to assume that at least some part of the human species if suffering from views and actions rooted in a wrong understanding of gratitude. Now, gratitude being such an important pillar of Enlightened teaching, what are some common roots and symptoms of false Gratitude which we should mindfully observe and then root out?

For at least half of my life I've had an extremely strong desire to be in a relationship/have a girlfriend and though I've tried, I've been unsuccessful and this has brought me tremendous suffering to the point where I almost committed suicide 2 years ago. I see couples in a similar age group as me every single day and this further increases my suffering. I first encountered Buddhism 2 years ago and through its teachings I've detached myself from the past and have removed my strong desire for material wealth and this indeed has removed a lot of suffering from my life, however, I just can't seem to let go of immense desire to have a girlfriend even after realizing that external circumstances never bring lasting happiness and fulfillment. How can I let go of this destructive desire?

I broke up with my girlfriend a couple of years ago. We haven't talked to each other since then. A few months back we met at a job interview. We spoke to each other and she was very friendly. I thought she is no longer mad at me. Few days ago I came to know that we both got the job. I texted her to congratulate. She has seen it but hasn't replied. Now I can't stop checking my messages on the phone to see if she has replied. I know this is fixation but just don't know how to deal with it. What could be a way out of this?

How would one go about figuring out if it is wise to stay together for the sake of the children or if it is time to split up? What would be the guiding principles for figuring this out based on Buddhist principles and Buddha's advice for married couples and the general sentiment of the teachings historically attributed to the Buddha. Prefer answers based on Vibhajavadin traditions and texts held to be true by those schools.

Pardon my English .I was lucky enough to meet this man . This man is living Buddha . He is not a monk. Lives simple life. He is such a mystery. I'm in love with enlightened man. It's not recent ... it's been years and years... He never claimed that but it's absolutely obvious to me. He is extremely handsome intelligent and more , so much more. I can feel when he enters the room, there is so much heat or fire. He is shining and he makes everyone around him smile. He has big beautiful eyes they are so sharp it's like he can see through appearances . He is absolutely perfect. I think about him day and night all the time I cannot forget him. It's my attachment to pleasure or is this real love??? When i think of him i just melt. On the other hand i know he is not interested in me as a woman and will never be. And it drives me nuts. I feel stupid. What to do? I was planning to tell him that, but am so scared that i'll feel stupid. I suppose it's obvious on my face anyway. But it's been so long and the feeling gets stronger. I should move on i know it, but he is such a perfection... I have no word to describe this man . Just ''ahh''. How to let go?? or should i keep?

What are some "skillful means" of getting through holidays, birthdays, graduations and etc. when your in-laws are constantly making passive aggressive statements about you or the way you raise your kids. Are there Buddhist techniques one can use to aleviate the anxiety and the irritability associated with these situations?

How would one deal with a verbally or otherwise abusive partner who gets upset over nothing and let's anger loose? Assuming the abuser realizes they have a problem but are unable to solve the behavioral issue. How could one best advise everyone involved in such a relationship based on the Buddhist texts & practices? Would be great if answers are referenced but it's not a requirement. Thanks

Does Buddhism say anything about suffering as the result of having a sense of "betrayal" -- perhaps a sense of someone else having committed an "injustice"? I think that for some individuals it's an important and a very long-lasting type of suffering -- for example: - if they feel betrayed or mistreated by their parents - ... or their spouse, their children - ... or even become outraged as a result of criminal offence by a stranger - ... or even just impersonal bad luck ("oh, that is so unfair!") But although it can be important, I see [nothing about it](https://accesstoinsight.org/search_results.html?q=betrayal) on Access to Insight. The one possible mention of it that I can think of is Dhp 3: > "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred. Another mention in passing might be the parable of the saw -- i.e. the importance of keeping a mind of good will even if you are abused -- but that's all: very few examples/mentions. I understand it as being a specific case of a more general problem, i.e. of "craving" (for things to be other than as they are), and "I-making" -- but **do you know any doctrine on this more specific subject, i.e. of betrayal and/or a sense of injustice?** Also is it right to say that Buddhist doctrine on the subject tends to "well actually, you deserved this misfortune" -- for example something like [the origin story for Dhp 5](https://www.tipitaka.net/tipitaka/dhp/verseload.php?verse=005) implies that if someone persecutes you, then perhaps that's a result of something you did in a previous life. If so, **is there a way to paraphrase or explain that principle to a modern non-Buddhist audience?** Because "actually it's your fault" might be quite unwelcome (therefore ineffective), the modern view tends to denounce that as "blaming the victim", and the victim themselves might want to know that you're on their side and not siding with their abuser. If this is a 'reference request' question, it might be asking for doctrine from outside the suttas.

I'm new to the concept of Buddhism, and am failing to understand perhaps something very basic. I understand that one is not expected to hold anything close or dear as it is impermanent and could change at any moment so how does one love another person? How does one become close to another person. As I understand it, a relationship would just consist of two people who aren't _that_ close to one another. "Therefore hold nothing dear, for separation from the dear is painful" - this seems to suggest that you should build a wall around yourself and separate yourself from potentially wonderful feelings just because they could cause pain, and pain is bad. I think pain is a part of life; denying that pain, or ignoring it is not part of a healthy life. I think of this concept of Buddhism similar to "don't smell the flowers because you may prick yourself on a thorn" thus denying yourself of the delights found in the smell and also the growth / knowledge from the pain of the thorn prick. Both of which you can learn and grow from. Am I missing something here?

I have this misunderstanding about love and attachment as they relate to one another. It's hard to put in words, so I'll try with some examples first. My understanding is that love is something you give away without expecting anything in return. While love where you need or want something from the other person (like for example, expect that other person to make you happy, or you want to control the other person in some way, or try to change them to be more of how you would want them to be, etc) is actually attachment. One example of true love I can think of is love for your children. You love them unconditionally. You understand they are their own person, with their own dreams, aspiration, thoughts, etc, so whatever they do, good or bad, you support them, help them, etc. You don't try to change them, or influence them, or impose your ideas on them, or have them accomplish the things you couldn't (e.g. I couldn't go to med school, but my child will), etc. No matter what happens, you love them because they are your children, and you love them no matter what they do. Taking that further, even in the presence of death, I still can understand love (at least I think I do). Everyone dies. Your children might die. And even if you love them and will miss them if they are gone, or suffer after they are gone, that suffering doesn't linger. You continue to love your children even after they are gone (or at least the idea of them or the memory of them). But here is another example. You love your partner. You think you love them like in the example above. But then they cheat on you with some other person. If you loved your partner unconditionally, you would be OK with that... I think. If being with someone else makes them happy, you should be happy for them, right? But in most relationships, you expect from your partner that they don't cheat on you, or to behave in a certain way. When that expectation is broken, you suffer. Arguments start, resentment, maybe violence towards that person. Is this because of attachment to the person and not love? Because we expect them, and demand, that they behave in a way that doesn't hurt us or make us suffer, that we are attached to the idea that your partner is only ours to have? So I guess, my question is this: What is love and what is attachment in a relation with your partner? What happens to love and attachment when they cheat with someone else? (for most of the people I know, death is less painful than being cheated upon; suffering caused by death eventually heals, but being cheated upon lingers for much longer). Can you truly love someone with no attachment so that no matter what they do, you do not end up suffering?

I am very close to someone in my family. I have supported her through rough times and offered my advice. However, she does not support me for the one thing I want in life. I am working hard to achieve my goal (career related), but she is completely against it. I have to live with her, and interact with her everyday and I feel her negative vibes around me. It really hurts my feelings. How can I deal with this issue and maintain peace in my mind? Thank you, I appreciate it.

What is meant by the impossibility "A Buddha can not help someone not related to him, no relative of him"? Is said to be one of the three things a/the Buddha can not do. How should that be understood? And what is needed to become one that a Buddha could help? Who is a relative, are the relatives, of the Buddha? [Related and given in tiven sphere: [Buddha can not help one not related to him? Buddha kann keinem "Fremden" nicht helfen?](http://sangham.net/index.php/topic,9364.msg19285.html#msg19285) . *(Note that this is not asked for trade, exchange, stacks, entertainment and akusala deeds, but as a share of [merits](http://accesstoinsight.eu/en/dictionary/punnakiriyavatthu) and continue such for release)*