People usually start off treating me kindly, but over time their behavior shifts toward dislike and hostility. Despite my genuine efforts to be caring and accommodating, others often perceive me as rude or uncaring. They begin to disregard my boundaries and treat me dismissively. Even those initially supportive often turn against me or side with others. My ideas and contributions frequently go ignored, while less thoughtful suggestions from others are praised. I seem to unintentionally provoke negative reactions, despite my best intentions. When disputes occur, authority figures consistently side with others, regardless of objective facts. Even my professors overlook my objectively high-quality work, favoring coworkers whose contributions are clearly inferior and often later proven incorrect. Recently, during a soccer match, the opposing team became openly hostile, and one player deliberately injured me. Although I forgave him later, incidents like this spark intense anger and a strong urge to confront and retaliate aggressively. I fear that under bad circumstances, this could escalate into group physical violence against me. I've noticed this troubling pattern for some time and genuinely don't understand its cause. I'm committed to resolving this issue once I clearly identify what's causing it. Have you experienced something similar or do you have insights on this? Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

In grade school while in class, children would sometimes shoot paper darts with a rubber band at someone sitting in front of them. Often the class would end and all would be forgotten. However, if the harassment went on for a long time, the child in front would get so irritated, and they would snap and do something violent to whoever was harassing them. Of course, the teacher would only see/hear the violent reaction and would get no backstory about what led up to it. And the victim would end up looking like the bad person. From my perspective, in addition to being angry at the person harassing them, the victim is also frustrated at themselves for losing control after being provoked. What does Buddhism have to say about this? A victim might intellectually try to resolve their problem by saying that all is "maya", but their anger would still be real. There is still an "I" that is being harassed. When fists can't resolve the problem, what other approaches can one use?

Is the thought of killing someone without actually killing him bad Karma? How powerful is it? I think it is certainly bad karma. But I am willing to know the Buddhist explanation of it with more detail. What will happen, if a person forcefully resit those thoughts when thoughts are arriving?

In the Kakacupama Sutta, the Buddha says the following > "Monks, even if bandits were to carve you up savagely, limb by limb, with a two-handled saw, he among you who let his heart get angered even at that would not be doing my bidding. Even then you should train yourselves: 'Our minds will be unaffected and we will say no evil words. We will remain sympathetic, with a mind of good will, and with no inner hate. We will keep pervading these people with an awareness imbued with good will and, beginning with them, we will keep pervading the all-encompassing world with an awareness imbued with good will — abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from hostility, free from ill will.' That's how you should train yourselves." I always believe in the value of 'healthy anger' as a way of defending yourself and protecting your boundaries. Many times, abusers will keep abusing you and escalate if you remain unaffected. They see your lack of retaliation as a sign of weakness, or a signal to escalate the abuse. The only thing they respond to is consequence. Yet this teaching seems to imply that you should remain unaffected 'even if bandits were to carve you up savagely'. Shouldn't I demonstrate some aggression or anger to make the abuser back off, rather than allowing him to accrue even more negative karma by abusing me? Isn't it a lose-lose scenario to allow myself to be 'carved up savagely'? I know there is also the parable of the Buddha giving up his body to feed a starving tiger out of compassion in one of his past lives. I'm far from reaching the Buddha's level of compassion. This means I still suffer, even if a bit, from the abuser's words and actions. In such a situation, shouldn't I retaliate (skillfully)?

So have few family members, including my mom, who are base in general and particularly nagging. For example my mom (she's uneducated) keeps nagging me on not eating out that I may get sick when she clearly doesn't understand, or at best misunderstands, health and nutrition. Or for example, when I am driving she will nag me on not taking this turn because the car will travel 100 feet more and this will burn more fuel. This is when my family is not at all poor : in fact we are rich from my country's standards. This kind of nagging happens repeatedly even after I explain the correct things, and she does this for almost everything to the point that my dad get super mad at her. I think her mind might be too base to understand simple things. Most of the time I say OK and ignore her, but sometimes I get pretty annoyed. So I was wondering today what would Buddha do with such people ? Would he simply ignore or would you try to teach them? Any advice on such people from the Suttas or personal experience? Thank you.

Thanks for the hospitality of this forum. I have recently started investigating Buddhism with some seriousness, seeking for answers to my spiritual thirst and looking for a practical path to address my problem with anger and harsh speech. I discovered Buddha in a 10 days Vipassana retirement. Every night,after long hours of meditation, we listened to a lecture by SN Goenka. Even though they are very introductory, these speeches have the huge merit of bringing a glimpse of the Eightfold Path and Buddha's life and wisdom to the absolute newbie, such as I was at that time. l was shocked by the stories of Kisa Gotami and Angulimala, and marvelled at the way Buddha dealt with all sorts of challenging situations, his wise and compassionate teaching style, adapted to people of the most diverse backgrounds and levels of understanding. Those stories made me seek for more information about Buddha: I wanted to hear he most remote echoes of his voice, the records of his teachings closest to the historical time he lived and taught. That's how I discovered the Pali Canon, which I am trying to compile from the translations of various Bikkhus from Thai and Sri Lankan traditions (I am Spanish and unfortunately I cannot understand Pali, so I am relying on English translations of the suttas from SuttaCentral, Dhammatalks, Bikkhu Analayo, etc)... I am seriously considering taking refuge in the Three Jewels, but as i stated above, I have a problem with anger and harsh speech, as I am a bit hot tempered and lack of patience with some people. Even though I acknowledge the harm i do to others and to myself, I LACK MODELS and EXAMPLES of alternative ways of reacting and communicating... examples of right speech IN PRACTiCE, in a range of different real life situations... How do you deal wisely with people that do not want to help with domestic chores? How do you talk to people that dismiss your ideas and way of living? How do you talk wisely in any sort of inter-personal or social conflict? I would be most grateful if you could give examples of right speech in action, drawn from the stories of the Buddha and some of his wise disciples (such as Sariputta, etc), anecdotes of Buddhist men and women showing a wise way to respond to practical situations involving conflict with others. I am most grateful for your help, as I am scared of dying with this anger and harshness, without being able to become wiser... This is a huge hindrance for my spiritual progress that I do not know yet how to overcome. Thanks to all from my heart.

Is there any meditation techniques that we can used to manged Bad Temper. As I know it is possible to manage angers by observing it as "feeling angry.., feeling angry!". However the problem is with the bad temper, sometime it is little bit too late to observer the anger. Any tips to improve the mindfulness to minimise the time gap?

I am a 25 years student who has hard time struggling with emotions of anger and revenge. I am taking therapy but I also have decided to become a Buddhist as it is a rational religion. I just wanted to ask what books in Buddhist philosophy will you suggest for understanding and coping emotions of anger and revenge? Thanks!

I think the co-worker fighting is normal here: (YouTube) Horrifying office fight (Leaked video) . It happened to me as well quite a few times with different bosses. How to handle in this scenario in Buddhism? It's related to this previous post: Dealing with Anger and Criticism . But that does not directly answer my question. Some solutions may take a 500 lives to practice too such as master in patience as story of Buddha himself so minimum is 500 lives. The situation may could lead to continuous karma such as injury, unhappiness in the company or even death in some cases. We just have few seconds of thoughts in this event of karma. Any other quick guide? I tried these quite useful. Assume the "boss" is aggressive and unreasonable type 1. Personal message or personal discussion with the boss before the karma happens. i.e. if u start to scream like the other day, then how to manage ya. I can't talk properly when being screamed. 2. Can we talk about this in an hour time later ? Or just walk out of the place by saying "I need some fresh air". This tip eventually given from #1 above. Another solution provided in minute 2:03 of (YouTube) 4 Types of Workplace Bullies , for #1 screamer: she said can we have discussion in a respectful way. What if the boss said "No! get the F out of here?" and continue screaming?

I have a research and I need to know all the names of angels in different religions and their actions, and since I am an Arab, my sources are not enough and I need the names of the angels in Buddhism

Possibly the greatest thing in the world that makes my blood boil and my mind to become enraged in Cultural Marxist and SJW offendedness, anger and uncontrollable rage is seeing individuals drinking tea, water or anything else while giving a lecture; be it a secular lecture or dhamma talk. To see someone set up their drink glass or other drinking receptacle simply to give a 30 minute lecture then start to slurp and gulp during the lecture sets my mind on fire as my mind forms the view this is the height of rudeness to the audience and arrogance, elitism and an utter total lack of discipline and self control on behalf of the speaker. As I write this question, my mind is, right now, in this moment, spontaneously born (opapātikā) into Sīlabbata-Parāmāsa-Hell. When Bhikkhu Buddhadasa was alive and a very old man, often on the verge of death, I observed him giving dhamma talks for 90 minutes to 2 hours and he never drink anything. During one series of talks over a number days, when it was reputed his death was imminent, he occasionally lost consciousness (when the translator was speaking) and had to be woken up (and he would continue to the dhamma talk right where he left off). Anyway, after taking a breath or two to calm down, my question is, does the Vinaya forbid drinking while giving or listening to dhamma talks? For example, I recall the Vinaya says things like listeners of dhamma talks should not wear hats, etc. Thanks

For some reason I'm a magnet to bad people or people who are chronic complainers or attention seekers. They often come to me when they need to talk or vent. Especially at work. I don't really want to talk to them but I'm too friendly and not good at setting boundaries and I often just listen to them offering advice. It stresses me, especially when they are angry and they come to me to talk about it. How can I deal with this in a skillful manner? I tried practicing Metta towards them which didn't work due to their negativity being too strong.

Specifically with my mother. I talk with her on the phone and when we have already talked for a while, say half an hour, she keeps talking and bringing new pointless futile topics and expanding on them, which annoys me and sometimes I end up getting angry, and sometimes I manifest that anger getting "cutting" or being a little rude. She can talk for an hour or more until she has something to do. I don't tell her to stop because I'm this way and I expect her to realize we have already talked about the main topics and important stuff and a little bit more but she doesn't and keeps going for what I perceive to be too long. I always feel really bad afterwards because of my unreasonable anger and irritation and the inability to deal with this, and when I get too rude most of the times I call her again and apologize. It frustrates me even more because most of the time I'm not really doing anything better than talking with her, but I can't help but get annoyed when she starts to talk for too long about basically nothing, something that we will both probably forget in a short time. And it's not like we talk once a month, we usually talk multiple times a week. We never talk so much even in person. I love my mother, she is not perfect, but I really don't want to get angry with her but I can't avoid it sometimes and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to ask her to not to talk too much to me because I think that would sound like an entitled kid, and if I cut her random talk I would feel like I'm not being patient enough with her, but I end up getting angry doing that. And now that I think about it I think I have a tendency of getting angry with her like a stupid brat, I'm not sure why. I would really appreciate any advice on how I can talk to my mother without getting angry?

How would one deal with a verbally or otherwise abusive partner who gets upset over nothing and let's anger loose? Assuming the abuser realizes they have a problem but are unable to solve the behavioral issue. How could one best advise everyone involved in such a relationship based on the Buddhist texts & practices? Would be great if answers are referenced but it's not a requirement. Thanks

Many times in the suttas the monks are said to be frustrated, but the word anger is never used.. what is the difference? My short thought is - anger is seeing wrong speech or action, and saying 'why are you acting this way - it hurts the other', whilst frustration is 'why are you acting this way - it hurts you'. Any thoughts on this from respectable sources?

I was reading this answer, in which an essay is cited. In this essay, *Freedom From Fear*, an example is given of a hunted deer which experiences anger, and thus aversion. In contrast, the desire to escape isn't aversion, but considered potentially skillful. I have always thought aversion involves aversive states such as avoidance from painful experiences. **Is aversion strictly about anger, and irritation? Does it have nothing to do with avoidance (though the English term somewhat suggests this)?** In sum, I wonder what the nature of aversion actually entails and encompasses.

I practice the Dhamma & I try hard to show loving-kindness, but I end up sometimes getting very mad at people or irritated. I try Metta meditation, but is there anything else I can do to try and calm the poison of anger? I don't want to be snappy or hateful at times, people just cause me to arise my anger at times. Metta & Appreciation!

I have been practicing mindful breathing for about one or two sittings a day, and done a few retreats. I have a big problem with metta, even directed at myself. after trying to practice metta I often find myself in a very angered state of mind, even rage, especially at friends for various reasons regarding my life. The background to the anger seems to be that they do not really care for me and just want me to be synchronized with their hobbies or lifestyles which are usually high achievement based . the background is that my personal life is much more crisis oriented than theirs , and i am also about 10 years older than them . I have a lot of regret for not leaving these relations and my thoughts are around those regrets , that in fact it is/was my interest to do so, and the 'tug of war' that they would have/will do with me would be based on their own interests ('tug of war' i mean things like 'you should stay in touch' or 'what going on with you?' etc...). Do other people experience such extreme counter reaction to metta? should i continue with it ? a bit at a loss ... thanks.

Upon reading this question, I wondered: would a person with great spiritual potential, without compassion, be more likely to cause great harm than an average person? Not intentionally, but say due to anger or hate; would this person be akin to a politician with great power who's actions can affect more? **Thus, would spiritual potent individuals' actions have greater consequences under the effect of negative states?**

>There is the case where a monk is content with any old robe cloth at all. He speaks in praise of being content with any old robe cloth at all. He does not, for the sake of robe cloth, do anything unseemly or inappropriate. **Not getting cloth, he is not agitated**. Getting cloth, he uses it not tied to it, uninfatuated, guiltless, seeing the drawbacks (of attachment to it), and discerning the escape from them. He does not, on account of his contentment with any old robe cloth at all, exalt himself or disparage others. In this he is skillful, energetic, alert, and mindful. This, monks, is said to be a monk standing firm in the ancient, original traditions of the Noble Ones. ~ > **Not getting almsfood, he is not agitated.** > > **Not getting lodging, he is not agitated.** AN 4.28 And the well-known simile of the Saw: >"Monks, even if bandits were to carve you up savagely, limb by limb, with a two-handled saw, he among you who let his heart get angered even at that would not be doing my bidding. Even then you should train yourselves: 'Our minds will be unaffected and we will say no evil words. We will remain sympathetic, with a mind of good will, and with no inner hate. We will keep pervading these people with an awareness imbued with good will and, beginning with them, we will keep pervading the all-encompassing world with an awareness imbued with good will — abundant, expansive, immeasurable, free from hostility, free from ill will.' That's how you should train yourselves. MN21