Is transgender haram in islam?

I’m a female & I wanted to be a boy my whole life. As far as I can remember i used to wear my brothers pants and shirts since i was 4. I’ve always seen myself as a guy. I’ve read and heard that transgender or homosexuality is something you choose for yourself. But how can I choose that at the age of 4? Am I born to go to hell? It’s really depressing me. Will I get punished for being like this? If I become a man through the surgery will allah accept me? I’ve also heard that even though I become a man through that surgery I will still be a female. Is that true? ( sorry for my english)