Sexual Desire, Masturbating and Asuba Bawana

I have been wanting to ask this question for some time. So basically caught up in the social norms, i used to watch porn videos and masturbate and got a bit attached to it. Kept on doing it for a few years. And 2 years back I met a girlfriend and we were so in love and also did different sexual activity (Apart from sex). But our relationship broke one year back when i got to know that she had cheated with another person as a tool to solve certain problems and not for love. When i got to know about it (She herself revealed it) i asked about her whole life story and i got upset by it and sympathized her. Knowing that my mother would not approve her since she also know what happened, I taught her the path of dhamma. Created a path for her to move on through dhamma.To be a better person. And she is still engaging in that path. So after the break up I was mentally broken down and I somehow needed to satisfy my sexual desire. So i started watching more and more porn and satisfied myself. But it became very upsetting for me due to the breakup. So one day i decided to start meditating every day and i have been continuing since then. After 2 weeks of meditation i realized that i should stop masturbating and watching porn and i just stopped it then and there. But the following few weeks were very hard. My body was rebelling to watch porn or to at least to satisfy myself. But i fought and fought. There was a time where my body was literally shaking. And i continued that for six months. There were times where i saw some sexual dreams and i ejaculated. But i didn't do it intentionally. I meditated different practices and I did a lot of Asuba bawana to control my sexual desire. And I was doing well. But since recently I have been getting flashbacks of my sexual activities with my ex. And i get these strong urges to masturbate and get it over with. I spoke this with my ex (Since we actually understand each other a lot) and she told me to just do it and accept it. I have no intention of being a monk at the moment or to live a celibacy life. Whereas i have expectations to find a girlfriend and marry and move on. But i don't feel like masturbating at the moment cause i feel it's just a waste of time and empty since it would make more meaning if i have a girlfriend. So i won't be continuing the anti-masturbating till i find a girlfriend (Why i mentioned this cause by choosing a normal life you will be engaging in these sort pf sexual activities.) I know for a fact that I will not be watching porn again. Since Stopping it actually made my mind peaceful and to respect women more and to see the beauty in them than to see things perversely. **My question is this** Since I am doing Asuba Bawana if i get an urge to satisfy i would usually try to kill that thought. But there are times where it becomes a big problem in the mind and sometimes my head hurts trying to kill it. Literally. What should i do at such times? Should i just satisfy myself mindfully or just keep killing the thoughts?