The edge of faith and the limit of Theism, "the spiritual blindness"

I am an autistic person who has been searching in faith and religion for some kind of positivism in my life surrounded by problems not important now. So, I've debated with the religious leaders in the church, and as I expected none of them could answer me directly about how I can feel the Holy Spirit in me, feel touched by God, or be moved by it. Since childhood, I questioned it many times, prayed during the hardest times and I always felt the same as before, for me nothing changed and I can't feel the metaphysical elements that neurotypicals usually have so, I couldn't find any explanations about it. Please if you know about it, tell me. Note: I need to ask this question, I was recommended by the other forum to make this type of question here, so I warn the readers: My question doesn't have multiple interpretations, it's very clear on its purpose. Although I know it can make many neurotypicals uncomfortable, it is my right to make it, please respect it.